Anonymous
Grief is a word that carries so much weight. It’s a heavy feeling that can settle in your chest and refuse to leave. It’s unpredictable, unexplainable, and oftentimes feels like a storm that you can’t see the end of. As someone who has navigated the stormy seas of grief, I can tell you that it’s not a journey with a clear beginning, middle, or end. Grief doesn’t move in a straight line; it ebbs and flows, crashing over you in waves that vary in intensity. There are moments when the waters are calm, and you feel a sense of peace, but then, without warning, a wave can knock you off your feet, pulling you under.
For me, grief has been a constant companion since I lost someone very close to me. Since losing them, I have been overwhelmed by an intense, all-consuming sadness. It was like my world had been shattered into a million pieces, and I couldn’t find a way to put it back together. I cried every day, sometimes for hours on end, and felt as if the pain would never subside. But as time passed, the waves of grief began to change. They didn’t disappear, but they became less frequent, less intense. I started to have days where I could smile, laugh, and feel a glimmer of joy.
But then, just when I thought I was starting to heal, a wave would hit me out of nowhere. It could be triggered by the smallest thing—a song on the radio, a familiar smell, a place we used to go together. Suddenly, I would find myself right back in the depths of my grief, feeling as if no time had passed at all. It was frustrating and disheartening, making me feel like I was back at square one.
This is the thing about grief that no one tells you: it doesn’t follow a set timeline. There is no clear path to follow or checklist to complete. It’s not something you can “get over” or “move on” from. Grief is a journey that looks different for everyone, and it’s important to honor that. For some, it may take months; for others, it may take years, and for many, it’s something they carry with them for a lifetime.
One of the hardest parts of grieving, for me, has been learning to accept the unpredictability of it. I am someone who likes to be in control, who likes to plan and know what’s coming next. But grief doesn’t work that way. It’s not something you can schedule or prepare for. It’s a force of nature, like the ocean, that can be calm one moment and stormy the next. Learning to ride the waves of grief has been a lesson in letting go of control and surrendering to the process.
There have been times when I’ve felt guilty for not grieving “correctly.” I’ve wondered if I’m crying too much or not enough, if I should be moving on faster or taking more time. But I’ve come to realize that there is no right or wrong way to grieve. Everyone’s experience is unique, and it’s important to give yourself permission to feel whatever you’re feeling, without judgment or comparison.
It’s also important to remember that grief isn’t just about sadness. It’s a complex mix of emotions that can include anger, guilt, relief, confusion, and even joy. There have been moments when I’ve felt angry at the person I lost for leaving me, guilty for not doing more to save them, relieved that their suffering is over, and confused about how to move forward without them. I’ve also felt moments of joy when I remember the good times we shared, when I hear a song that reminds me of them, or when I see something that I know they would have loved.
One of the most powerful lessons I’ve learned in my journey through grief is that it’s okay to feel joy, even in the midst of sorrow. It’s okay to laugh and find moments of happiness, even when you’re grieving. It doesn’t mean that you’re forgetting or dishonoring the person you lost. In fact, I believe that finding joy in the midst of grief is a way of honoring their memory and keeping their spirit alive.
I’ve also learned the importance of reaching out for support. Grief can be incredibly isolating, and it’s easy to feel like you’re the only one going through it. But the truth is, you’re not alone. There are so many people out there who have experienced loss and who understand what you’re going through. It’s important to have a support system in place, to have people who can hold you up when you’re feeling weak and who can remind you that you’re not alone in this journey.
Grief is a lifelong journey, and it’s one that we all must navigate in our own way. There will be days when the waves are calm, and you feel a sense of peace, and there will be days when the storm is raging, and you feel like you’re drowning. But no matter where you are in your journey, know that you’re not alone.
As we approach National Grief Awareness Day, I want to encourage you to take some time to honor your grief, to acknowledge the waves that have carried you this far, and to give yourself permission to feel whatever you’re feeling. Whether you’re in the midst of a storm, or you’re sailing through calm waters, know that you’re not alone, and that it’s okay to grieve in your own way, in your own time.
Grief is a journey, not a destination. It’s a process of learning to live with loss and finding a new way forward. It’s not easy, and it’s not linear, but it’s a journey that we don’t have to take alone. So let’s take a moment to honor our grief, to honor the people we’ve lost, and to honor the strength it takes to keep moving forward, one wave at a time.
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