Dr. Jessica LoPresti, Ph.D.
Co-founder & Chief Medical Officer
The holidays are a time to be with family and friends. A time to celebrate, eat, drink, and be merry. A time to reflect on all of the things for which we are grateful. Right? For many this is
true.
For just as many, the holidays are a jarring and unbearable reminder of the pain in their lives. This time of year brings feelings of loneliness, emptiness, isolation, fear, and grief. This season can bring up traumatic memories, trigger the grief of those we have lost, or push us towards coping in ways that harm us. Those who look across the dinner table and feel the sharp pain of missing someone. Those who are at a holiday party in a room full of people and feel alone.
Those who are struggling with substance use disorders, depression, and anxiety. Those who have been cut off from their families or who have lost meaningful friendships. Those who are in pain. We see you. I write this for you. You are okay as you are. There is room for you and your experiences during this holiday season and every holiday season to follow.
For those who are experiencing pain this holiday season, I’d like to offer some guidance that
might help you make it through:
Rest
Rest your mind and body. There will be plenty of things on your to-do list and at the top of the
list must be rest and rejuvenation. Choose activities that are in line with rest. Read a book,
engage in something creative, watch movies, sleep! Do whatever you need to do to ensure that
you are replenishing the energy it takes to manage your pain and grief.
Be Selective
Now, more than ever, it is important for you to spend time with the people who lift you up. Give
yourself permission to set boundaries with your time and energy. It is okay to say “no” and
choose to expend your energy with people who value you and who fill your cup. Before
deciding to engage with others ask yourself a simple question: “Do I feel good about myself
when I’m around this person (these people)?” Use the answer to this question as motivation to
set appropriate boundaries.
Nourish your body
Focus on the simple things and you will reap rewards. Eat food that gives you energy. Move
your body daily. Get outside (even if it’s cold!) to breath in the fresh air. Meditate if that’s your
thing! Try to remember that alcohol is a depressant and not a cure for sadness. Make a list of
effective coping skills so that you have somewhere to turn when you are in pain. The more
attention you pay to nourishing your body, the more emotionally regulated you will feel.
Lean in
Grief is not linear. The painful emotions associated with grief can hit at any moment. Have
compassion for yourself when these painful emotions arise. When they do, lean in. Allow
yourself to feel. The only way to manage grief is to move through it. It does get easier over
time and leaning into the emotions can make space for the beautiful memories of ones lost or
the appreciation for how far you’ve come or the motivation to move forward.
You don’t have to manage this alone. As always, the WhiteFlag community is here for you.
-Dr. Jess
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